You ever see that movie Children of the Corn? The one where a bunch of puritanical little devils infest a corn field and then pop out and kill people with scythes? Yeah.
It all started because mom decided she didn’t want to deal with the traffic on I25. She took the exit ramp and started heading east.
It wasn’t long before we were driving down a dirt road in the middle of the country, surrounded only by darkness, faint faraway houselights, and………………………corn.
She brought it up, then I remembered reading about how to defeat the little suckers. If you were wondering, it’s in a book called How to Survive a Horror Movie, which is full of helpful tips and tricks on how to survive anything from serial killers to monsters to zombies. If you value your life I suggest you buy this book.
After we got the child problem sorted out (Jimmy Buffet and loud noise, don’t ask), we turned to the problem of finding a way out. Easier said than done.
Let’s just say we were driving in circles for nearly 45 minutes. After we dealt with the kid problem, I thought we ought to be careful of the following:
- Serial Killers
- Corn Children
- Our car turning evil and trying to kill us
I wasn’t too worried about the last one because we treat our car well and it seems to like us, so that only left two. Although aliens were still a possibility. We had a lot of wrong turns, so there was ample time to attack us.
I think we got off easy considering all the stuff that COULD have happened. I mean, we came very close to getting killed by a slasher.
Did I mention there was no cell service and a monster thunder storm? I wonder what creature got re-animated with that batch of lightning. I’m sure it was something big. We’ll probably be hearing about it in the next couple days.
We did die…….of laughter. That was the most we’ve laughed together in weeks. Now granted, mom swore at the road a lot and there was the very real chance we were lost in sight of the city, but it was worth it.
I’ll always treasure the adventure we had, even though we didn’t actually come into contact with any strange creatures. It was a good experience. Goes to show that a little mistake can lead to a lot of accidental family time.
But if you’re driving down a dirt road, in the dark in a thunderstorm, with only one bar of service, don’t, WHATEVER YOU DO, unlock the doors……….